Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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