yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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