you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
