i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
