I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
