i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
