That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
