i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
