My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
