Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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