So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
