So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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