You can't special order awesome
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
