There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
