I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i drank out of a bidet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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