I can tuck mytits in my pants
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it's like iHOP with fire
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
