I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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