Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
