All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
