I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
