Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
