"it" just moved
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
