1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
