There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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