I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
