seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
