I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
