guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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