I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
