Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
