You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
