1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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