O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
