No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That was before I lit my hair on fire
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
