We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
