I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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