After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
