STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
