As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
