My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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