lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
