I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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