life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is classic penis vs brain.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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