I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
