The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
