I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
