She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
