He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The ass gains better be worth it
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