Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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