cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
