Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
