Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
