HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
