The best revenge is premature balding
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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