Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
