hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
be right there i have to get my cape
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
