She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
