Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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